MARRIAGE MATTERS

Week Two – Companionship

Introduction

We are using the Creator’s definition of marriage. Marriage is a "covenant of companionship" (Malachi 2:14). It is based upon a covenant – the binding promises that a man and a woman make to each other as they exchange marriage vows in front of witnesses. You vow to be the lawfully wedded spouse,

"…for better or for worse... in plenty and in want... in sickness and in health... to love and to cherish... until death do [you] part."

You covenant to be companions for life. Companionship is the process by which you two become one over the period of your marriage.

The word "companion" in Hebrew has several interesting meanings:

1. It means to fascinate or to charm by means of spells. Applied to marriage it loses any negative association with casting spells and such. You are simply fascinated with your spouse. Fascinate is a great word; it carries the idea of being captivated, spellbound, enamoured, intrigued, enchanted.
2. "Companion" also means knit together. Like a work of stitchery, you work at looping and tying all of the threads together to complete your project.

Applied to marriage, you would say that you should be so fascinated by your spouse that you want to work together to knit a single person.

Marriage seems to most people to be more frustrating than fascinating! And there seems to be more tearing-apart than knitting-together. We must not fully appreciate companionship.

It has been my experience that companionship is first an attitude you adopt, then the actions you apply.

#1 Companionship Is An

Your attitude is crucial. Marriage will remain frustrating if you only try the actions without the attitude!

What should your attitude toward companionship be? It is illustrated in the Song of Solomon. In 2:15 you read,

Song of Songs 2:15 Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.

On their walk Solomon and the Shulamite no doubt saw many walled vineyards. The walls would be made of piled stones or planted hedges. Their purpose was to keep animals out, notably foxes. Otherwise the foxes would enter the vineyards and eat the blossoms or the grapes, ruining the crop. The vinedressers would periodically check the wall for gaps through which the foxes could enter and spoil the vineyards. They were diligent to guard and repair the wall or hedge.

Solomon, as a vineyard owner, and the Shulamite, as one who had tended vineyards, understood the problem of unchecked foxes. In the poetic language of romance Solomon is appealing to her that they pile a wall, or plant a hedge, around their relationship and check it for gaps. They must be cautious of the many "foxes" that would seek to spoil the blossoming, fruitful vineyard of their marriage.

Companionship is the wall or hedge around your marriage. You must begin to look at every event, every circumstance, every relationship, every activity, every hobby, every invitation, every recreation with a concern for how it will affect your companionship. Will it open a gap in the wall surrounding your marriage? If so, exercise caution and "catch" it before it can do lasting damage.

Once you have adopted this attitude, the actions come easier because they are motivated by sacrifice rather than selfishness. You would rather be with your spouse than with anyone else or doing anything else. It’s not always possible or practical to be together; but you’d rather be together, enjoying one another’s company. That’s the attitude.

#2 Companionship And

The Actions You Apply

It’s helpful to remember that God created you body, soul, and spirit. Since He did, you are to have companionship in each of those areas of your life.

… is the most basic place to start. The attitude is crucial: Do you want to be with your spouse? Would you rather be with him or her than with anyone else doing anything else?

You won’t and can’t always be together, and it’s perfectly alright to have separate interests and hobbies. But you can and should have the attitude that you would rather be with your spouse.

I want to be careful not to put a trip on anyone… But there’s a sense in which you should be developing mutual, not separate, interests. At least in your separate interests, everyone should know that you’d rather be with your beloved.

Look at it this way:

As it is, most people already spend most of their time away from the one they love. If you work, that’s eight to ten to twelve hours away from your beloved most days. If you sleep eight hours, that leaves only four to eight hours to spend together. If you have kids - - then you’re into negative numbers!!! When you turn to your beloved and tell him or her you need some "space" or some "time of your own," you’re putting them on the lowest possible place on the list.

… sounds a little mystical! Nevertheless, you are body, soul, and spirit. Before you were saved, you were spiritually dead but soulishly active. So by "soul" we are referring to things like you mind, will, and (especially) emotions.

The attitude is crucial: Do you want to share your emotional life with your spouse? We’ll get into communication next week. When people say they are having trouble communicating, I sometimes wonder if it isn’t really that they haven’t yet adopted the attitude that soul companionship is important. In other words, they’re not convinced they need to communicate because they don’t put soul companionship as a priority.

This is where you say that your spouse should be your best friend. If he or she isn’t, then don’t find someone else! Work on each other and keep your hopes and dreams and fears to yourself and to God.

… ought to be a crowning jewel in a Christian marriage. It’s a level of life that unbelievers cannot possibly share with one another. It’s wonderful to be able to share Jesus together by hearing the same Bible study and then discussing it; by praying together; by serving in the same church, or even serving together.

This is the third thing we’ve discussed, but it should be first in priority because it will set the tone for success in your soul and physical companionship. Your attitude is crucial: Do you desire God’s best for your spouse?

If you try to act without changing your attitude, it is forced and your spouse will feel as though you’re only doing things out of obligation. For example: A lot of books on marriage suggest you have a "date night" once a week. That’s fine; but you should have the attitude that everyday and night is like a date – not just the once-a-week obligation.

Conclusion

Attitude is crucial, and you then apply certain actions in the three areas we’ve touched upon – spirit, soul, and body.

Have the attitude that your companionship is a vineyard that must be inspected and repaired in order to bring forth fruit.