The Song of Solomon

"When Faults Need Forgiving"

A man and his wife are fighting because for the last few months he has been coming home very late from work, as much as five hours late, and very drunk.

His wife decided that she would give him one more chance before asking for a divorce. She said that on Friday she would like him to buy her favorite take-out meal and then spend the evening with her. Her favorite meal is snails in garlic sauce, from the local French restaurant.

Friday comes around and her husband does the right thing and buys some garlic snails. On the way home however, he passes the bar. As he was passing his friends shout out and call him in for a beer. He politely declines and explains his problems with his marriage. So they invite him in just for a half pint so he can tell them about his troubles.

He stumbles home and falls up the steps to his front door, dropping snails everywhere. His wife hears him and opens the door. She shouts "You’re five hours late! What’s your excuse this time?"

Although drunk, he react quickly, looks down at the snails and says "Come along boys.... we’re nearly there!!!!"

While I would hope that your problems are not in this category, conflict is a part of every relationship - - and marriage is no exception. If anything, the intimacy of marriage provides a greater opportunity for conflict than most other relationships. It becomes imperative that we learn to resolve conflict when it occurs.

No one lives happily ever after every minute of every day, including our couple in the Song of Solomon. Solomon and the Shulamite give us a rare glimpse into marital conflict, and into it’s resolution. As she was dozing off in bed, her late-working husband disturbed her by knocking at the bedroom door. Even though "it is the voice of [her] beloved," she refuses to get up and let him in!

Maybe they had plans, and he worked late, ruining them… Maybe she had dinner on the table and he failed to notify her he wouldn’t be home on time… Maybe working late was becoming a habit… Maybe he wanted to have sex and she wasn’t in the mood…

There are any number of possibilities - - just like there are many possible causes of conflict in your marriage.

The point to note is that one or both of them were at fault. The fault needed forgiving.

We can learn three things about forgiving from them: #1 You Must Be Willing To Pursue Forgiveness, #2 You Must Be Willing To Promise Forgiveness, and #3 You Must Be Willing To Preserve Forgiveness

Conflict can occur when you least expect it. The Shulamite was in bed, almost asleep, when Solomon knocked - - leading to an all-night lesson in fault and forgiving.

Song of Songs 5:2 I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "Open for me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one; For my head is covered with dew, My locks with the drops of the night."

In our text the fault is wholly that of the woman. While I like that, I must admit that husbands are just as likely to be at fault. There’s an important reason for not assigning any fault to Solomon. Solomon is a type of Jesus Christ and, as such, can’t be accused of fault! It would ruin the typology if he stomped off yelling cruelties at his wife.

In your marriage, it is just as likely - - perhaps even more likely - - that the husband will be at fault. Regardless who is at fault, we can learn about forgiveness from the example.

Song of Songs 5:3 I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them?

Selfishness was at the root of her refusal and it was the cause of their conflict. Selfishness is often, if not always, the root of our sin and cause of our conflict.

Song of Songs 5:4 My beloved put his hand By the latch of the door, And my heart yearned for him.

Song of Songs 5:5 I arose to open for my beloved, And my hands dripped with myrrh, My fingers with liquid myrrh, On the handles of the lock.

Putting a fragrant cream or ointment on the door handle was a way of leaving a love note! Solomon had been offended, but he would not offend back. "A soft answer turns away wrath." When wronged, learn to bear it with patience. It establishes the atmosphere in which forgiveness can flourish. A fleshly response only serves to confirm the ungrateful attitude that was displayed - - showing you to be cruel and insensitive, seemingly deserving to be mistreated.

Beginning with verse six, the Shulamite pursues forgiveness:

Song of Songs 5:6 I opened for my beloved, But my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.

She can’t sleep as long as there is conflict to be resolved. I’m not saying that it will always be possible or prudent to resolve conflict immediately. But it should be the desire of your heart to do so. In Matthew 5:23-24 you read,

Matthew 5:23 "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,

Matthew 5:24 "leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

These verses are as applicable in your marriage as they are in any other relationship. If you ignore conflict, if you fail to pursue forgiveness, it will only make your relationship more difficult. It will have other adverse consequences as well. Look at verses seven and eight::

Song of Songs 5:7 The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; The keepers of the walls Took my veil away from me.

Song of Songs 5:8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, If you find my beloved, That you tell him I am lovesick!

The city was guarded at night by watchmen. They did not recognize her and mistook her for a common prostitute! When you are out of synch with your spouse, you are out of synch with others.

No doubt these watchmen were terrified to discover the Shulamite’s true identity. Returning her to the palace, her female attendants asked her what was wrong, and she replied:

Song of Songs 5:9 What is your beloved More than another beloved, O fairest among women? What is your beloved More than another beloved, That you so charge us?

Song of Songs 5:10 My beloved is white and ruddy, Chief among ten thousand.

Song of Songs 5:11 His head is like the finest gold; His locks are wavy, And black as a raven.

Song of Songs 5:12 His eyes are like doves By the rivers of waters, Washed with milk, And fitly set.

Song of Songs 5:13 His cheeks are like a bed of spices, Banks of scented herbs. His lips are lilies, Dripping liquid myrrh.

Song of Songs 5:14 His hands are rods of gold Set with beryl. His body is carved ivory Inlaid with sapphires.

Song of Songs 5:15 His legs are pillars of marble Set on bases of fine gold. His countenance is like Lebanon, Excellent as the cedars.

Song of Songs 5:16 His mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!

Notice two things in her reply:

First, she only compliments her husband to herself. Keeping a running list of his faults would only justify her selfishness in her own mind and be a hindrance to asking forgiveness.

Second, she only compliments her husband to others. Don’t speak poorly about your beloved to others. If you have severe problems, seek help. Even then, maintain the integrity of your relationship.

Finally, she gets word of Solomon’s whereabouts and rushes to meet with him:

Song of Songs 6:1 Where has your beloved gone, O fairest among women? Where has your beloved turned aside, That we may seek him with you?

Song of Songs 6:2 My beloved has gone to his garden, To the beds of spices, To feed his flock in the gardens, And to gather lilies.

The Shulamite stopped what she was doing… She sought her beloved… And she spoke complimentary of him until she could speak to him. She pursued forgiveness.

That brings us to our second point:

Solomon’s response to being offended paved the way for forgiveness and reconciliation:

He left her a love note…

He went to his garden. Gardens are places of quite reflection, of patient waiting…

His actions indicated he was willing to promise forgiveness. Forgiveness is essentially a promise. In Isaiah 43:25 you read,

Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins."

God promises to forgive your sins. God cannot forget them; He is God! Yet He can forgive them because of Jesus Christ. Then, He promises to "not remember your sins." In other words, He promises not to bring them up against you anymore.

This is one of the most difficult disciplines of marriage: To refuse to bring your beloved’s faults up against them again and again. You can’t seem to forget how your spouse has wronged you - - and you won’t let them forget, either!

The key is found in these words of the apostle Paul:

Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

What I have done to wrong and offend Jesus - - both before I was saved and after - - is far worse than anything anyone could do to wrong or offend me. If He can promise me forgiveness and not bring up my sins against me, then I through His indwelling Spirit can promise to forgive my spouse and not bring up her sins against her.

Today you need to determine in your heart, with the Spirit’s help, to leave your spouse’s sins at the cross, to promise to forgive them by refusing to bring them up anymore.

I know that Solomon forgave the Shulamite this way because of what he says to her, and because of what he doesn’t say to her:

Song of Songs 6:4 O my love, you are as beautiful as Tirzah, Lovely as Jerusalem, Awesome as an army with banners!

Song of Songs 6:5 Turn your eyes away from me, For they have overcome me. Your hair is like a flock of goats Going down from Gilead.

Song of Songs 6:6 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep Which have come up from the washing; Every one bears twins, And none is barren among them.

Song of Songs 6:7 Like a piece of pomegranate Are your temples behind your veil.

He doesn’t say anything to her about the offense; he doesn’t throw it in her face. She is met with compliments. He praises her dignity and the strength of her character, comparing her to Jerusalem and its army.

When he says "turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me," he is speaking about sexual arousal. He doesn’t want to give her the impression that he wants to make up with her only so he can make out with her! Isn’t that a common complaint of wives? "You’re only nice to me at bedtime!" Solomon understands that they must be right spiritually and emotionally before they can be right physically.

"Your hair is like a flock of goats going down from Gilead." If you watched the flocks returning down the mountain from a distance, you’d see them flowing back and forth across the landscape. This was a compliment to her long, flowing hair.

"Your teeth are like a flock of sheep Which have come up from the washing; Every one bears twins, And none is barren among them." She had a full set of teeth! More than this: Her smile made him smile - - just like you smile at the little sheep coming out of the water and shaking off.

He had forgiven her. He had promised not to bring up her sin against her.

There was one thing more that needed to be done:

Jay Adams writes the following concerning forgiveness:

"Forgiveness is not an end in itself; it is a means to an end - - a new and better relationship with those from whom we have become estranged because of some altercation… forgiveness is clearing the rubble of the past so that something fresh and fine may be built in its place."

That’s the way God forgives you. He does not merely forgive you, removing the guilt of your sin and promising never to bring up your wrongs only to forget you afterwards! No, He goes on to establish a new relationship.

Solomon takes his wife out on a chariot ride for everyone to see that they are reconciled:

Song of Songs 6:8 There are sixty queens And eighty concubines, And virgins without number.

Song of Songs 6:9 My dove, my perfect one, Is the only one, The only one of her mother, The favorite of the one who bore her. The daughters saw her And called her blessed, The queens and the concubines, And they praised her.

Song of Songs 6:10 Who is she who looks forth as the morning, Fair as the moon, Clear as the sun, Awesome as an army with banners?

Song of Songs 6:11 I went down to the garden of nuts To see the verdure of the valley, To see whether the vine had budded And the pomegranates had bloomed.

Song of Songs 6:12 Before I was even aware, My soul had made me As the chariots of my noble people.

Their relationship is stronger than ever. They both work to preserve the forgiveness, to remain reconciled.

The time right after a conflict has seemingly been resolved is a critical time. Has my spouse really forgiven me? Is everything alright? You need to take positive steps to assure one another of your mutual love, acceptance, and forgiveness. This completes the process of reconciliation.

Conclusion

Verse thirteen has a curious phrase:

No one really knows what is meant by "the dance of the two camps." The KJV says "the dance of the double camp." The NIV (NIV positive… Non-Inspired Version) translates it "the dance of the Mahanaim." Mahanaim is used for the small town where Jacob saw the angels of God. It was a "double-camp" to Jacob, for not only did he camp there, but so did a company of angels. This same word appears in Genesis 32:7 & 10, when Jacob divided his people and possessions into "two companies." The word appears over two hundred times in the Old Testament and refers to a camp, a company, a host, an army.

When people saw Solomon and the Shulamite together, it was like looking upon two armies marching perfectly in step. Or it was like two dancers moving gracefully in perfect unison and harmony. And behind their unity was a spiritual reality - - just like behind Jacob’s camp there was a spiritual reality.

People see you together. Do they see you marching in step in the battles of life? Dancing gracefully through the obstacles of life?

They will if you pursue forgiveness, promise forgiveness, and preserve forgiveness.